It is a remarkable talent for to learn to speak bluntly.
see a question on the Internet:
"when I have something to say, why doesn't my boyfriend always understand what I'm thinking?"
one of the high-praise answers made me laugh:
"subject, guess what my answer is? Do I have to answer you directly to understand? "
the answer seems unreasonable, but it is very enlightening.
even the person who knows you best can't guess your heart.
English poet Jonson said:
"language can best expose a person. As long as you speak, I can understand you."
when getting along with others, speaking freely can avoid many detours.
the most comfortable relationship is to put it bluntly.
I have read a sentence: "nonsense is everywhere in life, which will lead to misunderstandings and even misunderstandings, thus reducing the efficiency of life."
Don't say it directly, always let people guess, it is a kind of consumption to others, so that you will be very tired.
that's what Xiao Chen says.
he wanted to ask his colleagues to help buy food, but he was worried that the other person would find it troublesome, so he said that he could eat the same food as his colleague, but it was too spicy to eat at all.
Xiao Chen feels that colleagues who have known each other for such a long time don't care about themselves at all and don't even know what they like.
colleagues are thankless and unhappy.
another time he said he was cold and his colleague asked him to put on his coat.
Xiao Chen pulled a face and said, "is it so difficult for you to close the window?"
my colleagues are confused.
things within ten meters must reach 20,000 miles at the bottom of the sea, and people have to make up their own reading comprehension problems.
with regard to communication, Huang Zhizhong once said in "Strange works":
"in the final analysis, nine times out of ten, the problems in life lie in interpersonal relationships. In the final analysis, nine times out of ten, the trouble in interpersonal relations is due to communication problems. "
Don't say it bluntly, it's not a kind of implicit patience, but a kind of mental torture, an invisible killer of interpersonal relations.
remembering that there was a previous issue of "it must be you", job seeker Ding Zidi was thought to be too tactful.
when the recruitment company asked her why she didn't take the postgraduate entrance exam, she said she was studying tourism and hotel management.
was interrupted by the host before he finished speaking:
if you think this major is too narrow, you can choose another major. When people ask why I don't take the postgraduate entrance examination, you can just say that I want to work directly and don't want to study all the time.
you see, many problems are not as complicated as we think. It's just that we complicate simple ones.
the fast-paced life makes people more and more impatient to guess the other person's psychology and the meaning of the words.
talking around, not talking directly to the core content, consuming the time and energy of both sides, will only reduce their own good feelings.
to be frank, it is the greatest trust and respect for others, a frank attitude and a spirit of responsibility.
Let both sides take fewer detours and spend their limited time solving important problems.
all say that in the world of adults, there are many subtexts:
I'll think about it = find a way to refuse
I want to be quiet = come and comfort me
make another appointment when you are free = you will never be free
not speaking directly, it is exhausting and nerve-racking.
very often, they think that two people will understand and tolerate each other, but they drift away because they don't say something bluntly, and in the end they have nothing to say.
I have seen a video.
the wife was tired of her husband's way of speaking and poured out all her long-standing grievances after a period of cold war.
she says that what her husband wants is always a hint, and in the end she blames herself for being inconsiderate.
and she has been accommodating, but her husband has never considered her feelings, she is really out of breath.
his wife is right that he often looks indifferent in order to maintain his superior self-esteem.
obviously worried that his wife would be cold if she wore less, what blurted out was, "you are stupid to wear so little, you deserve to catch a cold!"
the husband realized that it was his own way of communication that eroded his wife's enthusiasm and created a rift in his relationship.
after some dialogue, the woman's face gradually softened, and she began to review herself, and both of them were relieved of their burdens.
in the process of getting along, the more you don't look directly at some problems, the easier they are to expose.
if I don't ask you and don't tell, it's a misunderstanding; if I ask you, it's estrangement; if I say so, the problem will be solved.
the writer Chang'an wrote this paragraph in August:
"he had something to say, but he didn't speak.
he said forget it. There will be plenty of opportunities to say so in the future.
but I didn't wait for anything.
there are some things I didn't say, so forget it.
there are some stories that haven't been finished yet, so forget it. "
once someone's words baffled you, and years later, you inadvertently realized its meaning at a certain intersection.
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your heart is turned upside down, but times have changed.
Mr. Yang Jiang once said:
"if you have something to say, you don't have to be defensive when you get along, and you don't have any scruples when chatting. This is probably the best relationship."
Let's get this straight.Is a true temperament, will not leave both sides empty regret.
the relationship between two people can stand the test only when they share together when they are happy and accompany them all the time when they are sad.
it hurts to see a sentence: we laugh and tell lies to people we know, but cry and tell our hearts to strangers.
many words, either around or avoid, are actually for fear of being misunderstood and avoid conflicts.
but some words are like a piece of cotton stuck in my heart, which others can't feel, but can suffocate myself.
A counselor told her story.
after three years of sharing with her roommate, she has insomnia almost every day, because her roommate suddenly turns on the lamp and videos with her boyfriend who just got off work late at night.
although she hid in bed, put on earplugs and blindfolded, she could still feel the light.
later, when her roommate turned off the lights and slept, she had to toss and turn for an hour or two, and it was easy to wake up.
she wants to make it clear to her roommate, but she is afraid of conflicts with her roommate.
she was listless all day, began to have a nervous breakdown, and finally suffered from depression.
but the roommate was not aware of this from beginning to end, and always thought she was cheerful and easygoing and felt that they were getting along well with each other.
if the grievance is not spoken out, it is like a pain in the throat, and in the end you are the one who gets hurt.
when others ask for help, it is beyond their ability to refuse. As a result, things are not done.
you are suffocated, but others think you are unreliable and delay the opportunity.
I quite agree with the sentence in "No Dream, Why far away"
"if you are not feeling well, say so and let him know. Because you are too shy to speak up and hold back your discontent, your sharp aura will damage your feelings and eventually translate into irreparable resentment, hurting others and yourself. "
Let the other person know your bottom line and maintain their relationship.
there is a term in psychology called "seeing is healing".
says is that many puzzles and troubles are not necessarily caused by specific events, but because they fail to express their true feelings and their emotions are not released, resulting in psychological conflicts.
when we say the words directly, our emotions are vented, and even if things are not resolved, we feel much better.
keep an open mind, in a word, it's no big deal.
at the end of our lives, we will find that very few people really care about ourselves, so it is better to live for our feelings and be brave to be who we really are.
writer Yan Jiang said: "learning to speak bluntly is an outstanding talent for Chinese people who are used to being reserved."
language is a bridge to convey feelings and communicate with each other. The information is accurate and direct, so that communication can get twice the result with half the effort.
but some people will worry that sometimes not being clear will consume a person, and saying that too clearly will hurt a person, what should we do?
A few tips for you:
first of all, we should actively face the problem and shoulder the sense of responsibility for solving the problem.
talk about things on a case-by-case basis and state your views directly. Avoid procrastination and beating around the bush.
respect each other
the premise of communication is 100% respect, be good at listening, consider the opinions of others, and improve your own views.
the goal is clear
the ultimate goal of communication is to deal with problems. Get to the point and you will achieve your goals more efficiently.
for the rest of your life, may you let go of all your worries, speak up, reap indestructible feelings, and be yourself at ease.