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philosopher Schopenhauer said:

"people are like hedgehogs in cold winter. if they lean too close to each other, they will feel tingling; if they are too far away from each other, they will feel cold."

for interpersonal relations to be harmonious, a sense of distance is essential.

especially the relationship with mother-in-law.

the most appropriate thing is to keep a bowl of soup at a distance. Care for each other, send "a bowl of soup" care; there is a sense of limit, do not let the soup too hot, so as not to burn them.

Smart women don't do three kinds of favors for their parents-in-law, but stupid women always interfere.

the contradiction between parents-in-law, don't get involved

A writer friend once wrote in his book that his parents' daily state is bickering, like a day's quarrel for many years.

but they never mention divorce and their concern for each other is never vague.

after getting married, the writer friend specially told his wife that he was not surprised by the quarrel between the two elders.

so the wife often sees such a scene: when the two old people talk quickly, both sides show no mercy, and finally the mother-in-law gets angry and yells, "if you have the ability, get out and don't come back!"

my father-in-law was stupefied for a moment and replied, "I can't do it!" I just like to stay at home! "

the two people looked at each other for a few seconds, their eyes gradually softened from fierce stiffness, and finally no one could hold back and laughed together.

A philosopher said well: "quarrels are the salt of life."

Chicken feathers are the norm in married life, dealing with boring trifles every day, and quarrelling occasionally can be regarded as the seasoning in ordinary life.

if others become peacemakers, the taste of quarreling will change. Instead of being grateful, my parents-in-law will be disgusted!

in that evening, there is no need to mix too much with the emotional contradictions of the elders. they have been getting along with each other for many years, and they all have their own set of patterns. They just turn a blind eye.

relatives of mother-in-law come to borrow money, don't be silly to help

after marriage, some in-laws and relatives often find various excuses to borrow money when they see that their new wife is talkative.

it is always the hardest to refuse people who are not relatives. If you don't borrow it, it's easy to upset your mother-in-law and embarrass your husband.

but when you respond to every request of others, what you give beyond your ability hurts you and puts yourself in an awkward situation.

there is a character named Gao Juexin in Ba Jin's novel Home.

Gao Chueh-hsin responded to every request made by relatives and elders, but he was very unwilling, but he didn't know how to refuse, so he could only endure it silently.

was called by relatives to accompany him to play cards and chat; his elders always took it out on him when they encountered anything unpleasant; later, they took an inch further and demanded more and more.

not all relatives will show mercy to you. There is always no shortage of selfish people who only care about their own interests and never consider your feelings.

especially when borrowing money, if you don't know the reputation and character of your relatives, you'd better discuss it with your husband and weigh your gains and losses before making a decision.

this is not selfish, but a kind of self-protection.

believe that relatives who really care about you will be considerate of others and will not become strangers because of your refusal.

Don't ask about the savings of your parents-in-law

as the old saying goes, "it's a pro-third customer."

the closer the relationship is, the more careful it is to be discreet. The discord, confrontation and dispute between relatives are often due to the loss of a sense of boundaries and the loss of basic respect.

my good friend Si Mei, who works in an investment institution in Shanghai, is one of the best financial experts with a lot of experience. When she was invited to her family's party, she naturally talked about investment.

during the dinner, Simi offered to help her parents-in-law to invest, without taboo to inquire about their savings.

the parents-in-law looked at each other, only politely thanked each other and did not respond to the specific property figures.

but Si Mei still thought that the two elders were embarrassed and asked with guns and guns. in the end, her parents-in-law looked very ugly. A meal makes the host and the guest not enjoy each other.

in many cases, it is self-righteous help and care that alienates the relationship.

Don't pry into your privacy at will, especially the other party's income.

how parents-in-law spend their savings is their own business. Don't interfere too much.

Ma Weidu said: acquaintances should be close, relatives should be born.

relatives want to have children, not to be alienated, but to have a sense of boundaries and respect each other appropriately.

agrees with a famous saying: the root of all human suffering stems from the lack of a sense of boundary.

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A good relationship is not as greasy as thick soup, nor does it taste like chewing wax, but is moderately hot and cold.

whether it is affection, love or friendship, knowing how to give each other some space when getting along with each other is also the oxygen for this relationship to breathe.

does not suffocate, nor let people get bored, although insipid, but taste carefully, you will know that it is a clear spring, fragrant over a long period of time, more and more sweet.